Change on the horizon

Today begins week 2 of Soul Restoration 2, and already I feel more energized, excited and hopeful than I have in years. This is the cover of the art journal I'll be using for this class.  Lots of painting and stamping with some bits of leather and chipboard thrown in for dimension.  The tufted titmouse has been my daily visitor in the feeder outside my window.  His bright, cheery greeting has brought me joy on even the most draining of days.  I just had to have him on the cover!

Our assignment last week was to journal responses to 14 pages of prompts about our core beliefs, passions, fears and self-imposed limitations. The digging was difficult, but it revealed some hidden truths and treasures. I also have spent time getting to know some of the other participants as well. It's amazing how many of us share similar life stories, struggles and challenges, but it's even more amazing to see the common thread of optimism and belief in a better tomorrow. I am so thankful I finally signed up for this class that has been calling my name for more than a year. The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Soul Restoration

I have been a fan of the Brave Girls Club for many years and have been itching / aching to attend either the Brave Girls Camp or one of their many online courses.  The timing was never right until now.  I signed up for their 6 week "Soul Restoration 2" to create a new life-vision and a plan for getting what I want.

I'm in an odd place in my life, "betwixt and between" as my Mom would say.  Change is on the horizon for a better life and a happier me.

One of the supplies needed for the class was a large journal.  I'm a big fan of repurposing books, and since I didn't have a large journal or a desire to run out and spend money, I decided to use a cookbook that had been sitting on my shelves for 20+ years and had not been used once.  It was a lovely cookbook to look at, but I swear I never used a single recipe in it!  The book is stitch-bound and the pages are sturdy -- both requirements for a journal that will have glue, paint, paper, fabric, and stuff applied to it.

I started by removing about 30 pages of the 180-page book.  All the materials I'll be adding to the book will add bulk and put stress on the binding, and I don't like my art journals to be bulging at the seams.  Then I got out my gesso and craft paints and started painting over the pages.  The gesso covers up the recipes and photos well, provides a little more stability to the pages, and serves as a primer creating a nice surface for me to draw, paint, and collage.  It only took about 15-20 minutes for the pages to dry even on a humid drizzly day.

The next phase of prep for the class this week is all reflective -- exercises designed to really get at who you are, what you love, and the dreams you have for your life. That's the hard part.  Being a wife and mother has changed me a bit over the last 20 years.  In the last few years I've heard myself crying "I miss the old me!" one too many times, and my biggest goal in this course is to figure out a way to bring back the best of the old Anne Marie and blend it with the best of the current Anne Marie.  A lot of   boxes, borders, "can'ts", and "shouldn'ts" have crept into my life, squeezing out the open, free, life-loving, fun side of me.  With all that has happened in the last decade, I find that I'm constantly on-alert, waiting to tackle the next family crisis like a war-time soldier.  I am having a hard time simply breathing, relaxing and enjoying life, but I think this course will help me reconnect with peace and joy.  Perfect build-up to the holidays I think!

Added Note:  Let me sum up my experience prepping each page of this old cookbook with one word ... STICKY!  Pages seemed nice and dry when I moved on to painting the next set, but when all was said and done, many of them stuck together. The ones that have just gesso or acrylic paint on them are fine, but any pages that I've used Mod Podge on are very sticky.  I'm told that I can just rub a candle or spray with acrylic sealer once my pages are completed, but in the meantime I'm sticking a few sheets of waxed paper in between pages as needed.  

Emerging victorious

For the last 7 months I removed myself from nearly all activities.  I pulled back from all but one dear friend.  It's not that I've been in hiding.  Things got so bad I had to scramble to insulate myself from the hurricane that pounded the shores of my heart, ripped away my carefully patched-up shingles, and shook the very foundation of my soul.

My dearest Princess, who struggles with bipolar disorder and substance addiction, set my world into a combination tail spin - nose dive this spring.  Her breakdown tore at my heart and tore up our family, but thankfully she's healing.  We're healing.

I am so thankful to NAMI -- the National Alliance on Mental Illness -- for their amazing support and education.  They have become my lifeline.  (If you have a loved one with mental illness, I cannot say enough about their Family-to-Family Education Program.  Go, and learn.)

I am so thankful to my therapist, who gave me much-needed validation and hope.

And most of all I'm thankful to my dearest friend D, who patiently sat and listened to every vent, tirade, stream of cursing and crying flowing out of my mouth and who quietly prayed for me through all of it.

I don't expect for a minute that this ride is over (and I pray that the next hurricane won't be a Category 4 like this last one) ... but I know that no matter what lies ahead, my heart and soul and mind are stronger than ever before.